The name of the post came from the title of another book I've read. It was written by Craig Storti. I've started to read this book( but didn't finished though) at the time when we just came to the States.
The author tried to explain what happens (mostly inwardly) to the person who moved to a new country. It can be a very useful book especially for those who lived in a new culture for a short period of time.
Well, when we just moved to the States, I thought I knew enough about the Americans to understand them. I even didn't find this book can be any to help me that time. But I was wrong...
I am asked quiet frequently about how I was adjusted to the States. Usually it takes some time for me to think to reply.
Why? Because almost every week I can say that after adjusting to one thing, or just acknowledge it I would find out another one which now I try to understand and adjust to.
Just today I had a very good conversation with my new friend about developing the healthy identity in a new culture. Even though she is the second generation of the immigrant family, life of some ethnic groups is very close to her.
Our discussions helped me to come to the complete conclusion that living in a new country, new culture must have several phases to adjust to. I don't know how many, but I know for sure more than 1 per year.
For instance first I thought I need to have all my legal paper to be done to feel more normal than just a new comer. Then it was getting my driver's license and be able to get around and doing different kinds of things without someone's help. For sure, being part of the neighborhood and church communities were big pieces to get this feeling like I was home.
Now I see that being capable to pay bills and not struggling with my own embarrassment based on my worries if I said something improperly or incorrect (in terms of language) are still not what can make me feel and think that I am like home.
I think there is something bigger and deeper, maybe less self-centred and more outward oriented in living in the new culture. Well, I am not sure what it is exactly. I think probably it might be useful to remember how to live in your own culture..
But for now I know for sure it is all about people, my understanding and relationship with them in this new culture to me.
And I think this the core, this is the Art - trying to get to know such a diverse nation by doing it beautifully, yes, artistically like the real art.
Understanding a new culture on a deeper lever, like trying to know what it's heart is.
I don't like the expression to get " the Key to the national mentality" (Usually the language serves this role, I think). And I don't want to be too idealistic in this matter either.
Being open to observe, absorb and at the same have a critical approach to see how people communicate to each other is to start or in my case continue this journey.
By "knowing heart", I mean the understanding the core of the Spirit of the nation I live now and then become part of it.
And as a result to understand it enough in order to feel fee and more natural when I communicate to people.
Knowing well enough where the difference between us came from - either on cultural (On the National or regional), family or personal level.
So this is my idea of another kind of the hidden art ....
Perhaps marriage is a little like moving to a new country, too. Being newly married, I can definitely relate to your need to reach certain milestones, even small ones, like paperwork, in order to feel at home. And, then, of course there is the realization that while these tasks may help and be necessary to our adjustment, doing them doesn't mean we have arrived. I like your search to know the heart of the country. I think the desire to seek to understand is key to all communication and relationships. Best wishes as you continue to live in America!
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